Not To Me
by Day Star
Summary: One of the digidestined battles inner demons. Will the others be able to help before its too late?


Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, which is probably a good thing, because then it wouldn't be suitable for impressionable minds. This is about anorexia, so if this bothers you, maybe you shouldn't read.  
  


Not To Me  
By Day Star  


  
I never thought something like this would happen to me. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I can't barely even remember when it first started. It was shortly after the coach's first weigh in. We all had to weigh in. I was fat, I knew that. But why did he have to rub it in?   
  
You best lose all that flab if you want to be on my team fatty.  
  
My teammates all laughed. I was humiliated. But I did something about it. I lost it. And it feels so right, so in control. All I know is I can't stop. Everybody in the world is against me, even my so called friends. The ringing of the phone echoes shrilly in the still apartment.  
  
I make myself sound upbeat and happy, although to tell the truth I feel weak and kind of achy. I must have eaten some bad lettuce. Yeah that's it.  
  
Hey, were all going out for pizza, you coming?   
  
Pizza? you want me to go out for pizza. Aren't I fat enough already Matt? If you keep this up, Coach never will accept me on the team. Maybe that's what you want though? Don't want me to be as successful as you Mr. Rock Star?  
  
I don't know Matt, I've got a lot of stuff going on today.   
  
Come on, don't you want to see us? Matt asks.  
  
All right Matt, I think I can squeeze you in.  
  
Great, and pizza is on me, okay?  
  
Okay Matt.  
  
If I had refused, you and the others might start to suspect something. You might suspect something already. You keep watching me at lunch. I can't let any of you know. This kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to me. I strip and look at my grotesque body in the mirror. Lobs of fat on me seem to mock me. Ha Ha. I'm still here. You'll never be rid of me. I shiver from the cold. I ransack my closet. What should I wear? I need something that won't make me look fat. I finally I throw on a green sweatshirt. I take off running and run the entire way to the pizza place. I run everywhere. It helps me keep it under control. Everyone else is there already. I must have spent more time getting ready than I thought.  
  
Hey everyone.  
  
We already ordered.  
  
I'm not hungry. I lie.  
  
Sit down. Matt orders me.  
  
I sit down, and laugh and talk. I am so proud of everyone. The future looks bright for you all.  
  
Great I'm starving.  
  
mmm Pizza.  
  
The waitress puts down an enormous pizza loaded with demonic fats in front of us. I watch disgustedly as Matt helps himself to two big slices.  
  
Do you know how many calories are in that? I ask.  
  
No. And I don't care either. Why should you? Matt states firmly, putting a disgusting slab of pizza on my plate. Everyone stops eating and looks at me.  
  
I am very annoyed. I can't it this, this disgusting mass of calories.  
  
Aren't you hungry?  
  
Are you okay?  
  
I'm fine, I just don't like cheese. I mutter.  
  
Whatever. Then just take it off then. Matt growls.  
  
I rip off the cheese, leaving just the pepperoni, sauce and bread. Taking my knife and fork, I cut it into tiny pieces. I look up to see Matt shove half a slice into his mouth. Disgusting. Their all eating like starving wolves. I daintily stick one of the small pieces in my mouth, much more civilized that way. I eat about half my pieces, when Matt slams another piece on my plate!  
  
Hurry up and eat! He orders me.  
  
Matt! I can't all that! I whine.  
  
Why not!  
  
I'm full. I say stubbornly.  
  
You barely have eaten anything!  
  
I told you. I'm not hungry. I say.  
  
What is going on with you?  
  
Nothing. I have to go home. See you guys later.  
  
I run home like the gates of hell are closing in on me. Sometimes I think that they really are. I use the stairs instead of using the elevator. There goes 10 calories. I enter the still apartment. Nobody is home. Good. I can't waste any time talking. I know that I've gained. It's always better if you punish yourself alone. My family wouldn't understand. Two hours later the sweat is dripping off my body, caressing my fat rather grotesquely, I must admit. It's still there, I think I have to so something more drastic. Thanks a lot Matt. I can feel the weight from the pizza you made me eat still grasping me. Shivering I ram my finger down my throat, and make myself throw up. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I feel better already, but now I fall dizzily to the floor. Sobbing, I curl into a fetal position, my tears hot and razor sharp on the cool tiles. These isn't happening to me. This stuff can't be happening to Taichi Kamiya. Not to me.  
  
Afterward  
Anorexia is almost always focused on females with the diseases. Although, more and more males are exhibiting these traits.   
  
  



End file.
